dear me.. [♥]

mkei. before i get to the part where im hella fucking pissed.

let me just say that i had alot of fun with the best guys ever JORGE NOVi AND FRANK! but mostly jorge. lol.. i saw leonne too and uhm, daylen. but he couldnt stay. haha.. daylen gives the biggest hugs ;]

well anyway. so i saw rosey for the first time in a long time again!! and it was kinda awkward coz its not like before how we'd talk about anything. then frank told me that rosey wat trying to make frank stay away from me as possible. like NOT even talk to me. which is ridiculous coz we were friends way before she and frank went out but thats not even the point. im her best friend or atleast used to be. and i really thought she had trust in me! but apparantly NOT. then, i heard from frank whose her boyfriend and would probably not talk smack about his own girlfriend unless it was THAT serious told me that when i'd try to iM rosey before she'd be really annoyed. i mean.. she'd be iRRiTATED as hell!! like omg.. frank said he'd be happy to talk to me coz its ONLY aim!! and knowing that she hasnt talked to me in forever! omg.. im so pissed right now. i cant even explain it. coz i never thought shed turn out this way. shes the one that said that highschools changed everyone. i guess it included her.

well anyway. so frank and i talked for a long time about alot of things. which at first made me feel bad before i found out that rosey didnt give a fuck about me. and jorge and i hung with novi. who got a little too forward lol.. he punched my ass which frank told me is kinda wierd coz in 6th grade we barely talked and we've only talked for like 5 effing minutes then you go and punch my ass. and he said that he'd 'do' me. but i think frank said that too? haha.. i heard it. but anyway.. hm? he was all like 'yea frank tells people that hes had sex wid rosey, i mean for example if i had sex with you i wouldnt tell anyone.' i was like.. ooookkk. haha but it was all good. he was nice. and leonnes still nice and tight ;]] theyre so tall! haha.. i feel like i can talk to guys more now instead of girls. girls are soo.. ugghh!! im so pissed at rosey. but i cant talk to her or say nothing to her about it coz then she'd find out that franks the one that told me and frank would get in soo much trouble even by just knowing that he talked to me. no offense to my supposedly best friend but thats so stuffid. especially for someone who has a 4.0 average and who hugs me like nothings going on. she hugs tight too. i think ima feel bad after a while for thinking bout this stuff about her but right now im so pissed. disappointed. angry. and more importantly .. HURT.

Posted in ` the friends.

omg.. i didnt think that by reading the purpose driven life it would make my cry even a little. well.. its coz it really made me think. it was chapter 2 and it was about me not being an accident and how God chose everything about me even who my parents would be. and even the pain that i'm going though is under his plan. well. maybe the whole thing with my family is a plan of his to mold who i am. and that really made me.. cry.

Posted in ` family..

i had icecream today. i feel really guilty for eating it. and bcoz it was like at 9pm that i ate it. arrggghh!! there goes my workout.

my eyebags are HUGE! its disgusting. grr..

im really starting to hate a few things about me even though i know its all my fault. suckss..

Posted in ` issues [random]..

woahh.. mkei i didnt expect that i would cry today/tonight/earlier. well.. coz i was reading the 2nd chapter of the purpose driven life and it was talking about how im not an accident and that God chose who my parents are and everything in my life and all the challenges that ive gone through is just part of the plan to shape who i am. that really hit me.. i think i maybe i am supposed to be hurting like this. and that i'm probably most likely not the only one who hurts like this. i'd quote the poem in there right now but im too lazy to get up. i'll do it tomorrow or something. well speaking of tomorrow.. i have to wake up early to come with my grandpa to pick up tito raffy. arrghh.. i have to share my room. actually he gets my room. but well, its only for a day. so what am i to lose.

my day was really tiring today. but really i basically did only 3 things. went to the clinic with my aunt, work out, computer. so yea i woke up.. well my aunt woke me up. and i hurried to get ready to come with her to the clinic. they both had appointments. and these women thought that shane was my own baby.! haha.. i was all wtf?! in my head. lol it was kinda funny though. then we went home around 5ish and i got dressed to go to the gym. and nadine was there. so yea i went to the gym and worked out with her and stuff. then got home and cleaned up a little and ate. oh yea i ate a little breakfast too. which was like 1/4 of a cupcake, a nutrition cereal bar, ahm.. and half toast. hm? yea dinner was good. it was fish fillet and chicken desarsa. and i had bread too. then i had icecream with some crushed cookies and cereal in it. lol haha.. it made me guilty on a count of i almost weigh 130 f*cking pounds right now.

well. mkei.. that was about it. thats all i did. i just used the computer all day. oh yea we watched a documentary movie cloverfield today too. it was pretty cool ;] and i'm really puyat na right now. i am lacking so much sleep right now its ridiculous. and whats even more ridiculous is how big and deep my eyebags are right now. yea i know its my fault but still!? i hate my eyebags. arggh. damnit.! its 3:15 am. i think i should sleep soon.

thats it.

Posted in ` daily life..

im getting very lazy right now. coz i felt i had to write a blog for every category.. and now its 12:30 am and i really need to get going. even though i dont want to.

so i'll just maybe enumerate some things.

1. i feel very insecure about everything about myself. its like.. every one has complaints about me or something about me they can criticize. which is ridiculous but hey i fall for it. coz i guess you can say that what people think or say really does affect me.

2. FAT. enough said right??

3. confused about the whole love thing.. and especially life and its choices. dont know which way to go anymore. even with school! i feel i have to go with what my grandparents want. i think maybe in the end it may turn out to be the right thing.. but right now its not the thing that i want.

4. somewhat happy. my family here in the states makes me very happy while im here ;]]

5. concerned. about alot of things. especially family, love life, and my weight. oh and my eyebags. 0_0

6. i have a goals list btw. which i have to enumerate too:

MY NEW GOALS LiST MiD 2008

• learn how to play the keyboards. or atleast a little.
• perservere myself to be on the top of myself and choose not to be lazy until maybe towards the end of the year or not coz i am graduating!! so i need some good grades.
• try to keep on this cutting down diet that im on. and im not gonna say i wanna lose something pounds anymore coz it never works.
• try to read atleast three books before i graduate.
• get involved in some kind of activity outiside of school.
• spend more time with the people that really count that i haven't spent alot of time with before like BHEZZY and PAO.
• learn how to atleast do one break dance move.
• join more singing and dancing competitions.
• gather more dance steps.
• HANG OUT WiTH DAD MORE.
• take better care of honey on my own.
• save money. lots of it.
• learn how to drive.
• learn how to cook [from mommy]

i'll have to think of more. but thats actually alot now. so yea. i'll stick to that. i need to print this out or something. lol good luck for me with that.

haha i seriously doubt ima do all that or even half of it but i gotta think i can to do it. haha.. ;]

Posted in ` issues [random]..