dear me.. [♥]

i only have a few weeks left here. and honestly i'm soo disappointed in myself. because of all the time that i've had.. nothings happened. i've actually gained more weight. but i need to stop telling myself that i need to diet and really just do it.. God help me.

Posted in ` issues [random]..

i h8 how i work out everyday but it seems like its doing no good. wtf? all this hard work for nothing? i mean i can blame myself but still!?! i barely eat what i want with the amount i want anymore. what else is there to do make myself vomit?? omg.. help me Lord. please. i h8 being this way. im never satisfied with myself. even though thats what i tell people. i gained 5 effin pounds! i prayed already.. i hope that works.

Posted in ` issues [random]..

i had icecream today. i feel really guilty for eating it. and bcoz it was like at 9pm that i ate it. arrggghh!! there goes my workout.

my eyebags are HUGE! its disgusting. grr..

im really starting to hate a few things about me even though i know its all my fault. suckss..

Posted in ` issues [random]..

im getting very lazy right now. coz i felt i had to write a blog for every category.. and now its 12:30 am and i really need to get going. even though i dont want to.

so i'll just maybe enumerate some things.

1. i feel very insecure about everything about myself. its like.. every one has complaints about me or something about me they can criticize. which is ridiculous but hey i fall for it. coz i guess you can say that what people think or say really does affect me.

2. FAT. enough said right??

3. confused about the whole love thing.. and especially life and its choices. dont know which way to go anymore. even with school! i feel i have to go with what my grandparents want. i think maybe in the end it may turn out to be the right thing.. but right now its not the thing that i want.

4. somewhat happy. my family here in the states makes me very happy while im here ;]]

5. concerned. about alot of things. especially family, love life, and my weight. oh and my eyebags. 0_0

6. i have a goals list btw. which i have to enumerate too:

MY NEW GOALS LiST MiD 2008

• learn how to play the keyboards. or atleast a little.
• perservere myself to be on the top of myself and choose not to be lazy until maybe towards the end of the year or not coz i am graduating!! so i need some good grades.
• try to keep on this cutting down diet that im on. and im not gonna say i wanna lose something pounds anymore coz it never works.
• try to read atleast three books before i graduate.
• get involved in some kind of activity outiside of school.
• spend more time with the people that really count that i haven't spent alot of time with before like BHEZZY and PAO.
• learn how to atleast do one break dance move.
• join more singing and dancing competitions.
• gather more dance steps.
• HANG OUT WiTH DAD MORE.
• take better care of honey on my own.
• save money. lots of it.
• learn how to drive.
• learn how to cook [from mommy]

i'll have to think of more. but thats actually alot now. so yea. i'll stick to that. i need to print this out or something. lol good luck for me with that.

haha i seriously doubt ima do all that or even half of it but i gotta think i can to do it. haha.. ;]

Posted in ` issues [random]..